


To Infinity (War) and Beyond

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Cap would say "Language!" but otherwise it's gen, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, No Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 20:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: Tony Stark is an asshole, but at least he's not a dumbass.





	To Infinity (War) and Beyond

Peter survived another semester, so Tony took him out to Incredibles: Infinity War, and by god was it giving them good material!

“Oh no, it’s a Nazgûl,” Peter giggled, splaying jazz hands. “I is shooketh!”

“Excuse me, I paid money to see this movie,” said a complete rando, “so I’d like to hear it please.”

Peter sunk in his seat.

Tony stared the rando down, gesturing to the rest of the theater, “There are plenty of other seats to sit in, buddy, you don’t need to sit near us.”

“Is there a problem, gentlemen?” said an usher.

“Chatty catty and chatty kitten are disrupting my experience, ma’am.”

“And stick up his ass is ruining ours!” Tony counterattacked.

Peter hid by sipping his soda.  His eyes widened when his now empty cup gurgled.

“The experience of every patron is of utmost concern to us,” she looked plaintively at Tony, “so sir, if you can’t restrain your volume, I’ll have to ask—”

“Oh you don’t need to ask us, we’re going.  C’mon, Peter.”

Peter mumbled, shuffling after Hurricane Stark.

“What, does he think we snuck in there? Fucking dumbass,” mumbled Tony, patting Peter’s shoulder when they ducked into the limo.

Happy snorted, yanked from a decent nap.

“Again, sir?” Happy noted Peter’s sullen mood in the rearview mirror.

“Not in the mood, Happy.  Friday, play at 43:08.”

Peter perked with surprise when the movie came on, “The DVD’s not out for months!”

“The only thing faster than the speed of light is the speed of money—my money,” Tony settled in with a virgin cocktail, handing another soda to Peter, then stage whispered that it also had a commentary, bloopers, the whole shebang.  Glee plastered a smile on Peter’s face.  Tony ruffled Peter’s hair. “Only the best for my Spider-Boy.”

“Your Spider- **Man**!” Peter glowed with pride.

“Ah, no, you’re basically my son.  Almost kinda literally.  Aunt May and I have been talking, and if something were to happen—”

“AUNT MAY’S DYING!?!”

“I said ‘if’, as in if something happens to her, I get custody of you.  It’s a weird world we live in, and we both want the bad kind of weird to affect you as little as possible.”

“Oh,” Peter took another sip of his soda, then snuggled close.

Tony smiled before the movie threw something else at them that demanded to be snarked about.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking time to read this; enjoy what you do here and everywhere!


End file.
